This is why I never talk about it and I never ask for help and I’m always alone and struggling and people are just mad at me because I’m like this and it’s because of them and it’s a vicious circle that never gets better and I’m never able to talk about it and it all goes back the person who is supposed to love and support me but only makes me feel like shit and makes me feel like all my problems are ridiculous and like I’m a fucking nuisance and so this is why I never tell people what’s really wrong and this is why I can never talk about feelings and this is why I can be so empathetic to others and so able to listen to them but I can’t ever talk about the deep dark stuff and the rare moments I do I feel sick and just want to die or disappear or to have never been born which is at the root of all the stuff I never talk about and it keeps going and going and it never stops, it’s the run-on sentence of life and it never stops there’s no punctuation to end it in sight and I’m hoping that someone will put a stop to it but it’s not happening and I don’t think I can stop it myself because I only see one solution and I’m scared because I can’t talk about it and no one really wants to do it they just want to be heard and feel loved and it’s not enough to be told because you have to feel it and if you don’t feel it you can’t talk safely and then you’ll never talk about it like I never talk about it because any time I talk about it I feel scared and sick and it’s better just to suffer in silence because people are fucking insensitive and don’t know how to react because honestly we all want someone to react in just the right way that it feels like everything is better but then in a few months it starts again and it’s too much for them to handle because you’re always aloof and sad and they shouldn’t have to deal with you and you feel bad because they try to deal with you and you’re afraid that they resent you and that resentment will spawn hate and that’s the opposite of what you need and you feel like everyone is just better off without you when you’re like this and I can’t talk about it and people are still better off without me because I hate them all because I can’t talk to them because whenever I try I feel like shit and this never ends IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS and no one will have read this because it never stops and there’s no ending punctuation and if they do read it they won’t finish because I’m really selfish and wrapped up in myself and they’ll be disgusted with me and they’ll think I’m being ridiculous which will make me feel more like shit and more like I need to get away somehow and maybe some kind person will think I need help and try to be there for me but they’ll give up after the second or third relapse when I can’t talk about it and I’m too tired to fake it and I’m being bratty and flighty and no one understands because I don’t have the words because once I start I’ll never stop and so it’s better to suffer in silence and it goes on forever, until the ending punctuation but no one can see it coming and no one will see it coming but one day it will happen and I’m not sure how or when but it’s coming and I’m waiting and this keeps cycling and there’s a lot of good stuff in life that can excite me for a minute and I feel okay but then the cycle starts again because of some minuscule action that makes me feel alone and abandoned all over again and there’s a lot to look forward to in life but none of it seems to matter to me anymore and I can’t talk about it to anyone so I get excited even though it makes me tired and it goes on and on and on and on like this block of text that one or two people will actually read

PERKS IS GOING TO BE A MOVIE WITH LOGAN LERMAN?!?!?! SOMEONE SHARE IN MY EXCITEMENT.

justasimplemuggle:

.. Oh.

Cedric Diggory. It was the first person to die in front of Harry, and not the last. But the first is really hard. Diggory was a good person and Harry has nightmares about his death all summer. It’s the death that carries the most weight with Harry through Order of the Phoenix and is thrown around at Hogwarts. It was also the moment in Harry Potter that I knew shit was going to get real.